On occasion you may come across an old acquaintance. The both of you are happy to see each other. You look them over - My how they've changed. Then in return they look you over thinking the very same thing. They strike up a conversation about the good ole days that warms your heart. You recall how much you laughed that night in Cancun, you remember how silly you were for that heartthrob that you thought you'd never get over or you reminisce about wearing neon Band-Aids on your cloths or docksiders because that was the trend back then. The memories just start to flood over you both during your brief encounter.
Let's stop right there and discuss. {Y.E.A.H Moment}
When encountering anyone that you have not seen in years it is best to start the conversation with a pleasant and honest compliment:
"Look at you! how nice it must be to live among the youthful and happy."
"You don't look a day over 25." (That age is appropriate to say to anyone, someone older will blush, someone younger will laugh and be equally flattered).
"Did you have work done?" (This one is my favorite)
Those are great icebreakers for an old friend that has certainly changed in one way or the other over the years.
If you find that they have put on weight and they make mention of their weight gain, your reply is simply to be positive. Use phrases such as:
"I notice the weight gain, it's an interesting change for you."
"It looks good on you."
"It certainly hasn't stopped all the attention you're used to getting."
"You've always been a problem solver, I'm sure you'll find the best way to get back to your ideal weight."
After which, quickly change the subject. It's considered inappropriate to drone on or allow to drone on negatively about someone's physical appearance. Weight challenge reasons are easy to sympathize, but the physical dismay could be much worse.
Follow that by bringing them up to speed on what's new in your life. Start with the good stuff first. Tell them about your new mate or the new business venture or your new pair of shoes. We all have bad things that we'd like to share but this is not the time. It's a time to rejoice! You have reunited with an old friend. Let them know how good life has been for you in their absence. Allow them to do the same. Be exceedingly glad when they tell you they are going on 15 wonderful years of marriage (even if yours ended 8 months ago). Rejoice when they tell you their child was accepted at the ivy league college. Celebrate everything that is praiseworthy with them.
If they should bring up a topic that has an adverse ending divert till another time. Politely tell them that is a story for another time add that you'd be happy to share with them all the details once you get a chance to have lunch together. Right there you have set up your to be continued lunch date and topic conversation. Voila! you've rekindled your friendship.
Now for the tricky part...
Someone brings up a mutual friend. Both of you have not seen nor heard from them in months, even years. One of you says to the other, "I wonder how they are doing?" The other replies, "you know {insert name here} they are probably up to the same ole stuff."
Let's discuss {Y.E.A.H Moment}
You knew them well in yesteryear but today you have no idea. First thing to consider is that you use to know them well but today you merely know of them. Peoples' lives transition often and quickly. Experts say that you can develop a new habit, skill, preference or behavior in three months' time. Which implies anything new you bring to your personality can and will change your outlook, opinion and activity. Also, many people live with secret pains and/or desires that fester under the surface and eventually bubble up out of what seems to be thin air, but it wasn't. Therefore, you know of them but no longer know them. This is wise to keep in mind. This keeps you from seeming like that person that thinks they are the only one that can evolve, it also nullifies any later backlash that comes from being a gossip. Gossips and narcissists are challenging personality traits to accept.
So, the best thing for the both of you is to put a plan together. Discuss who should reach out to said friend for the lunch date that you all can schedule. Then, make it an adult play date where you all catch up over a meal, tea, cocktails or whatever is most appropriate.
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